Capital Couples Finance

What the Devil Says About Personal Finance

You may or may not have heard of the Devil’s Dictionary, but it’s a collection of cynical definitions for common words that was put together by a journalist/author by the of Ambrose Bierce in the nineteenth century.  They’re short, pithy, biting and are a great source of humor if you enjoy cynicism, but they also have an element of truth, which is what makes them so great.  It’s worth a trip to the site to take a look at a host of other subjects, especially if you’re trying to lighten the mood a little. 

So without further ado, here’s what the Devil Says about:

• Debt: n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave- driver.
• Owe: v. To have (and to hold) a debt. The word formerly signified not indebtedness, but possession; it meant “own,” and in the minds of debtors there is still a good deal of confusion between assets and liabilities.
• Creditor: n. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.
• Money: n. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it. An evidence of culture and a passport to polite society. Supportable property.
• Finance: n. The art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager. The pronunciation of this word with the i long and the accent on the first syllable is one of America’s most precious discoveries and possessions.
• Insurance: n. An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.
• Economy: n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.

Now…here’s what I want to know: Can you come up with any devilish definitions for personal finance terms of your own?  It’s kind of tricky (at least for an un-clever person like me), but share any you come up with in the comments.  Repeats are fine.  Let’s see how many we can get!  Here’s one to kick it off:

• Credit Card–a modern financial instrument through which one can efficiently transfer one’s wealth to another and impress one’s neighbor while doing so

Thanks to Juned 1 for the photo.

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